HAND TO PLAY

Racing to find this faceless, shapeless thing called happiness

I can barely breathe

Perhaps if I find the right level and combination of preparedness

Happiness and togetherness is something that I can achieve

I kid myself as no amount of preparedness can prepare me for the unknown

Shaking my head as I thought I had grown past this silly quaking

Lean into God. I chastise myself. Haven’t I grown?

Life is never given. There is no script for taking.

May I hold onto something besides God? Something else I can count on not to change?

No. The answer is no.

Must I live in this place all the time now – where I must allow for the chance of familiar and strange?

That has always been the reality. I just didn’t know.

Oh, Abba here I am once again. I am a woman undone laying at Your feet

How could I have felt so big before?

I feel the urge to admit defeat

I have no idea what is in store

Oh my child – you say to me. That is the point

How could you grow in faith without my stretching plan?

Give me your hands so I may anoint

This is not about just you but about God and man

Once you were a child feeding on milk

Put away childish things

As worms can make beautiful things out of silk

Such wonderful life faith brings

Perhaps one day I will lay down my plan

Today. Tomorrow and the next day

It is enough that I am a trembling woman

But it is not my hand to play.