Not Numbers

The heart of Jesus

He mourns for people, not numbers

Every hair on your head is counted, truly truly HE sees us

Sometimes it is easy to forget this when life so easily encumbers.

Women, NOT numbers. Life, not death

Father, You hold our worth in your gentle hand

It is impossible for me to fathom Your height and your breadth

There is just so much that I do not understand

You see souls, intrinsic value

Not numbers, Abba, Not numbers

In the midst 0f lies you know what is true

You bring us to summer in the midst of Decembers

What can we do when man tries to pin numbers to the hip of an unnamed woman that YOU love?

She thinks that she doesn't even have a name

Father YOU know every part of her and your attention does not rove

Perhaps others may play with her existence but to YOU it is no game

Father all of your children - I beg you to take care of them

I beg you to rise up your own to bring them into your arms

If you are the flower I will be the stem

Lord let it be not "if" but "when"

PERHAPS

Perhaps God will act on my behalf

With man after man taking my innocence how am I supposed to be at peace with love?

The most unsuspecting friend will be the subject of my wrath

Do I know how to take an olive branch from a dove?

Why am I even here?

I am a broken, broken woman yearning to reach out to broken hearts

How effective can my paltry overtures be?

Like a crippled woman trying to dance the arts?

Yet perhaps God will act on my behalf

The last person this can be about is me

He gave Aaron to Moses and you almost just have to laugh

At the things God can see I may never see

Perhaps this humble servant can be obedient

Perhaps God has a grander plan

Perhaps not comprehensible when I am heeding it

Perhaps this is why He is God and I am woman

Perhaps God will act on the behalf of all of us

Truly what are we, besides agents of change?

It may be just a matter of trust

Rather than something we can measure or gague

Perhaps, oh, perhaps HE WILL

If only we are still.

MISSIONS

Take my heart and let it be

Stepping out into a world unseen

Wondering if I can possibly measure up – want my heart to represent Yours

Wondering about the sequence of events in my life and what it possibly could mean

Abba – what do you see when You look at us?

All so eager to reach out and touch hurting hearts?

We want to do everything plus

Yet we know that with YOU is where it all starts

We want You to move in the midst of us and perhaps so trite, yet we want to be YOUR hands and feet

To learn about what YOUR heart looks like when you bleed for others pain

What happens when eyes and heart and mind and soul altogether meet?

What are we going to lose and what are we going to gain

Abba we are so thankful for YOUR commission and YOUR word

Abba glory be to YOU

The whole thing still feels a little absurd

Only YOU can take something that doesn’t make much sense and say “Child, that doesn’t make it any less true.”

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Maybe if I breathe really quickly I won’t be able to feel my heart ache with every beat

Maybe if I surround myself with noise and chatter

Maybe if I hadn’t welcomed you into my life and invited you to take seat

Maybe the word “may be” just doesn’t matter

What am I supposed to do with the jumbled mess of confusion that you handed off to me with your anguished face?

What am I supposed to do with the tendrils of the plant of relationship that you cut off during the height of its growth?

Am I supposed to be the barrister when love grows at a rapid pace?

How was I even supposed to know that you perjured against your oath?

What can I reconcile now that I don’t even want to see you crumble and fall

Unless it is back into my arms?

Darling, there is no such thing as too short or too tall

Only too much deceit and charms

I don’t care if you don’t want me to see where your underbelly lies

A life that is not shared is not lived

Darling we have seen too many years to say such silly goodbyes

And I love you too much not to forgive

Abba see him, chase him, bring him into YOUR arms

That he may be one with you

Intimacy with you calms the most alarming alarms

Abba, I just don’t know what to do.