My First Love

Head held high, chin thrust
Angry eyes smoldering
Rationalize what I think is fair and just
Take in what I think is worth holding

I hold his deceit close to my heart
As if he speaks truth about who I am
It take me a bit to circle back and restart
Remember that I am beloved...chosen...a part of YOUR plan

Wrestling with the conflicting parts of my souls choice
Not sure which side of me seeks out gain
I struggle to discern what I think is YOUR voice
And in the interim pas de bouree in the rain

Clearing a path for the path of least resistance is not a hard task
But clearing a path for the road of return on investment takes concerted effort
To be by my side is not too much to ask
Yet every time I reach for you all I can see is my hurt

I can feel the pain squeeze, drip, drop, deep inside my heart
And wonder where it was all of these years
Wonder why You must tear me apart
Reduce me to agonizing tears?

Intimacy belongs to You and You are my first love
You pick apart my heart to build it back around You
You see inside me a vast treasure trove
I see colors of a different hue

Lovely, lovely, lovely is the common refrain
And I fight with adjectives of my own
But You continue to advance far past my pain
And admire how much your child has grown.