To Lose

To lose you is to grieve you

Elastic drama pulls at my waist

The hype and the memory pulls me closer yet further from what is true

I can hear you but I cannot see your face

How many times have I grieved you- wishing that you are somebody that you will never be?

Wishing that you would put me first

To love me?

Out of the overflow of your heart to still look at me when I am at my worst?

Your promises falter and my anger rises

I am no longer a child

I cannot hedge these bets – no more ups and downs and surprises

Your malice is not mild

To lose you is rather, to simply let you go

And stop wishing on a star

Oh how many places I wish I could go

To avoid facing who you are

To lose you is to speak truth

To stop pretending life isn’t real

To look fully in the face of my youth

To stop avoiding how I feel

To lose you is to sob and to understand

That it is not the end of it all

My Abba has something more rich and more amazing for me planned

He heals so I can be ready for His call.