Can't Get There From Here

Forgiveness is an extremely tricky thing. No doubt it is a miracle. In order to forgive a few things have to happen. One, you have to be willing. Two, you have to admit that you are at the end of yourself and you cannot do it alone and thus, God must take over your heart. Three, you have to change your expectations.

Anger is the result of unmet expectations. They may be expectations that are completely well-founded or they may be expectations that are unrealistic. Nonetheless, when expectations do not get met the result is anger. We have to manage this by either changing/letting go of our expectations or somehow getting the behavior to change. Most of the time it is the former.

There have been a lot of unmet expectations in my life. Expecting that people would treat me the way that I think I should be treated. Expecting that people should play certain roles in my life. Expecting that my life should go a certain way.

Pastor Heather spoke about living in the world of "If not" today and really challenged me to let go of my expectations - of people and of God. Sometimes circumstances just suck. Sometimes things don't go the way that I think that they should. Sometimes people hurt the powerless. That's life. I am not saying it is ok, but it is life.

I can't live the rest of my life hanging onto this anger that I have at people in my life that hurt me as a child or having these ideas of how my life should be lived or played out. Thus, I have to change my expectations.

I have to let go of the idea that my sister should have been a role model for me and protected me. I need to let go of the idea of what my childhood should have looked like. I need to let go of who my parents should have been. And then I need to invite God to fill in the holes. Fill in the holes of what "should have been" with healing for what actually was, and with vision for what could be. Need Him to replace the pain with His will for my life. Need Him to be my everything.

These are hard lessons to learn.

My friend used this phrasing to illustrate a point to me once "you can't get there from here." I was struggling to make something happen that only God could do and she told me "you can't get there from here. It's impossible - there is no road. Only God can do it."

It is the same with forgiveness. Only with God can we get there from here.