I hate you so much it is hard to breathe
And I don’t want to forgive you
Do you hear me? I hate you and I don’t want to forgive you.
I blame Adam and I blame Eve
Why should I forgive you? Why?
I know the age-old Christian reasoning and it falls so hollow on my ears
It is not like I don’t think about it and it’s not like I don’t try
I don’t have any deep wisdom. I have no wise words. I truly have nothing but hurt and tears.
My rage goes so deep and I don’t know if it can ever be soothed and released
Do you know how long it took me to admit that I was even angry?
I don’t even want to admit that you are a human being - perhaps it is true that my dressed is wrinkled and my pants have never been creased
But at least I have not raped a child just for kicks and then pretended to be sanguine
Fuck you, dude. I wish you were deceased.
My Abba calls me to forgive me. He pulls at my heart and asks me to let it go
I fight and I writhe and I don’t want to forgive you.
I don’t even want to start. I don’t want to throw the initial throw
I want you to be miserable and locked up and everything else that you deserve for what you do.
Some things should never happen. Some things bring hell to earth
Pastors should never be rapists. Fact.
Little girls should never have love and joy and imagination replaced with dearth
Little girls should always be protected and not cracked.
Abba – here I am so full of rage
And not particularly apologetic about it or sorry
I have no idea what to do to put You and me on the same page
Redemption is birthed by forgiveness? Really? Fine. Then YOU are going to have to tell me a new story.
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