What Colors, What Hue

Walking forward and ahead
First instinct may not be correct
You say come to Me and I'll carry your burden instead
My yoke is easy and my intentions are never suspect

Making a decision to cut off the demons of my past
you may no longer walk next to me and feed me lies
Sometimes the connections forged so fast
Can be the longest lasting goodbyes

You say I know you and treasure you from the inside out
Why on earth would I choose lust over love
May I stand on Your promises even when my soul is wracked with doubt?
With Your mighty hand will You trace my tattoo of a dove?

May I find sanctuary in Your holy presence?
This world whirls around me at a frenzied, histrionic pace
When things are moving and just don't make sense
Lord all I want to see is Your face

Just root my heart in all that is You
So I can find a solid place to call home
I have no idea what is next - what colors You will paint my life - not even what hue
But I cling desperately to Your Throne

Take My World Apart

At some point I must make a choice - either my fist comes unclenched or I completely fall apart
I have been so tightly, so tightly, so tightly holding on to control of this for so long I'm not sure that my fingers can let go
I want to believe that by Your scars and by Your stripes my life is marked
But when I look at the way that I live my life is it really so?

You ask me to stand on Your promises - and Yet my default button leads back to rumination, worry and control
So invested in self-protection and staying two steps ahead of the game
What if the game is already behind me and I have already been made whole?
What if I am no longer the same?

I thought I was so far beyond this silliness and yet I find myself doing the same dance
I am furious at myself and You tap me on the shoulder
Still human. Still learning. Still my Child - You say and remind me that I am not defined by circumstance
You remind me that it was never the Centurions that removed the boulder

Oh stupid, foolish pride. Take my world apart and show me something beyond my conventional wisdom and pieced-together logic
Based on experience is so limited compared to Your master view
Far too much has happened between there and here to wax nostalgic
Yet it's not like I can pretend I am brand new

I am so intense and I am not sure I know how to operate any other way
I run hot and live in the land of fierce heartbeat
So how does that translate if You ask me to live only for today?
To consume only what You have given me today to eat?

You completely and utterly turn my world upside down on a regular basis
And then You ask me to be rooted and identified in You and You alone
I ask You to guide me to this peaceful and beautiful oasis
And then expect You to be proud of how much I have grown

Oh Lord - I am a woman undone. I am so incredibly undone
And I am still human one hundred percent of the time
I used to think that life was about something to be won
Now I know that life is about learning to be Thine

SO make me Thine. I don't know how or what to do
But my present attitude of entitlement must die
I feel like I just don't have a clue
But I do know enough to know that feelings don't determine much and You hear me when I cry

Lord today I cry - and every day after today
To take everything in me and make it Yours
I no longer want to participate in my own personal foray
I want to walk through open doors

Abba - I can not live in constant battle with You for control over my life
I can't argue. I can't use my energy to fight
Whatever may be the root of my strife
Oh I beg You please find it and turn it into light.

THE POWER TO FORGIVE

Today is a brand new day, today is just beginning

I can barely breathe

I’m not really sure what is going on but I can tell that You are winning

Lord send me and a new dream you will weave

Perhaps a different woman woke up today, perhaps something was born out of great pain

Perhaps light breaks forth from darkness

Today I feel like I have everything to gain

If I could only find a quiet place to rest

Life can change in just an instant so why not go all in – no reservations, no holding back – no take-backs

Lord, my name is tattooed on Your heart

I am standing here and for the first time I have no plan of attack

I don’t have a place to end and I don’t have a place to start

You know the first and the last and You have the answers to the prayers I didn’t dare utter with my whispered breath

You see to the deepest core of my being

You forge my path from here to there – You define height and depth

Yet sometimes I doubt the words I sing

I can only be human one hundred percent of the time

That is all I have to give

I’m so thankful that you have rhythm and rhyme

And you have the power to forgive.