God Given Zen

Changes whispers through life and before you know it everything looks different

The unknown is ahead and the you don’t recognize what just happened - at some point control was forsaken

Perhaps it never existed…perhaps I thought that fantasy was heaven-sent

Perhaps it is no longer even my choice which road is to be taken

I lay at the foot of the cross and I ask God why

Why did You suffer for me so that I could fight You at every turn of Your perfect plan?

Sometimes I hear beautiful people’s awful stories and it makes me want to cry

Makes me wonder where I can find the justice of Your hand.

Juxtaposed and yet so simple

Is my silly human heart

I fight You and yet I love You so fiercely

Lord, You are dance, You are beauty, You are art

How many times can I lay down my life to submit to You?

Over and over and over again

Learning the same lessons and struggling to discover something new

And rest in Your God-given zen

Letting Go

How do I make peace with the next steps when I thrive in the present day?
Perhaps the wheel turns too quickly and my fear overtakes logic
May I find some peace when I get on my face and pray?
Is there any space to be wishy washy, leery or nostalgic?

Missions aftermath burns me with a passion that will never cease
Today fills me with a joy that burns so bright
When aftermath turns into present is there some sort of release?
Or is there just more burning, more yearning, more purporse- more light?

Perhaps they are one and the same
If today and tomorrow and yesterday belong to God can I let go of one more piece?
Can I let go of knowing? Of my heart? My well being? Of protecting myself? Competing for needs? Release the foray?
Will the struggle end and I let go of my lease?

You ask me, Abba, to stand on truth.
To be honest and forthright and believe you have my best
You painstakingly unclench my fist and tell me to walk away from my youth
That you have a plan for the rest

I will never know lest I jump off the cliff
Dive away from what was
Take what is flexible from what used to be stiff
Because you are God and not just because

Today my heart breaks to grieve what was
So necessary to embrace what is and what may be
Its so amazing to see what God does
Every day I walk forward and I am free